Anger

Recently I was reading this book “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh and the chapter on anger captured my interest. Here is what he wrote “When we are angry we are not usually inclined to return to ourselves, we blame the other person who is making us angry”. This is a powerful statement or thought.

I found myself challenged since I am in this place more often than I would like to admit. Almost by default I tend to focus on the other person as to what they did or did not do that triggered my irritation. This leads to me feeling more angry or resentful and I end up making up a story about this person and exercising judgment rather than curiosity or compassion. As a result what does it do to me? I get angrier. I become unable to be rational or see things from their perspective and unable to engage the other person. It totally blocks my creativity since my energy gets used up on these negative feelings.

Thich Nhat Hanh explains it beautifully wherein he says we must be like a fireman who pours water on the blaze first and not waste time looking for the one who set the house on fire. This can mean taking a pause before reacting when angry. It can also mean not letting ourselves into situations, like being overly tired or hungry, that can give us a short fuse. We can also create more peace by doing things that make us feel more relaxed, whether it is meditation or exercise. Also, focusing on what triggers anger will create the awareness and the ability to feel the emotion. This is so that we can manage our emotion rather than the emotions managing us. The other benefits of feeling our emotions is it keeps us grounded and are able to deal with it in a shorter time frame. We increase our ability to be mindful, to reflect what the emotion is telling us and develop a deeper understanding of ourselves.

I invite you to practice focusing on the emotion you are feeling rather than focusing on the person who is making you angry. Journal your learning to further develop this new mindset.

Leadership Development Program in Jamaica

Recently I facilitated two different programs in Jamaica. One was for Management Institute for National Development, where I facilitated a Leadership Essentials program. The second one was for Caribbean Health Leadership Institute using the Creative Leadership Conversation approach for mentoring skills training. I was quite struck by the passion and desire and the eagerness of each group to learn in the service of self and others. You can read both these reports on the blog, http://www.leadbeyond.org/.

Leadership development provides an opportunity to turn the mirror inward and create greater awareness of values, beliefs/ limiting beliefs, strengths, challenges and our own mindset. It helps us expand and stretch. It was amazing to see how each of the participants were eager to embrace this learning so that they could live authentically and help others to do the same. They were all eager to put the new learning in practice on their job and with their teams.

Being present and connected

Recently I spent few days with my daughter and couple of my friends at a spiritual center, which also happens to be at a beach. It was a great time to reconnect with self and be in the NOW. One of the questions I have been working with is: How connected are we to our self when we are busy trying to get to the next thing? Where is this drive coming from? Is it from that deep place within, our purpose, or is it driven by the external? When I am connected I am able to notice the difference or else I get caught in the rat race and moving from one job to another. As a result the NOW just happens without our awareness.

There is a great link between the NOW and connection to oneself. When we are in this place of harmony with both we are able to experience the present moment and notice what is going on with our emotions, thoughts and our spirit. Focus on your breathing as often as possible during the day to be grounded in the NOW and be in the flow of connectedness. What a great way to enhance your EQ. When one is connected one can appreciate and enjoy life, in spite of things not going the way one wants, and learn from it. If this practice is developed one will not have to wait to get away to be in the NOW.

Building the Capacity for Collaboration with Public Health Leaders in the Caribbean

This is a repost from the Leadership Beyond Boundaries site on a mentor training program I did in Jamaica for public health leaders.

Tzipi Radonsky, Philomena Rego and Pat Williams used the Creative Leadership Conversation toolkit to help prepare public health leaders to grow their skills as collaborators and mentors. The two-and-a-half-day program was hosted by for Caribbean Health Leadership Institute at the University of West Indies in Kingston Jamaica and attended by participants from across the Caribbean: Bahamas, Barbados, Belize, Dominica, Jamaica, St. Kitts, St. Lucia, and Trinidad & Tobago.

The 15 participants were doctors and senior public health administrators working on the frontlines of HIV/AIDS. In their work, they shoulder great responsibility and are charged with tackling a spectrum of public health challenges that involve an array of stakeholders. The ability to build relationships and shape collaborative outcomes is imperative as is the urgency to get things done. Said one participant before the program: 
 
“The major challenge is not having the patience to listen and let the mentee or the other people formulate a position or take full charge of the situation, and endure or enjoy the consequences. It requires an ability to both pull back and to be strong and frank giving an honest assessment, whether this is praise, compliment or correction. I have a tendency to “smooth over” some circumstances, adopt a protective posture or just do it myself.” 
 
The mentor training methodology used the Creative Leadership Conversations toolkit to help participants learn to engage others in a constructive, appreciative and developmental way that builds shared ownership and leadership. The program provided the public health leaders with the opportunity to learn and practice essential coaching and mentoring skills, and equipped them with key leadership concepts and simple yet powerful assessment tools they could use for mentoring and collaborative work. The program wove together coaching demos and practice sessions so that the participants had the immediate opportunity to practice new techniques in peer- based learning groups as soon as they learned them.

The participants found the experience powerful, personal, and practical. In the closing reflections we heard that it was an “enthralling, inspiring” experience that used practical methods that were “perfect examples of adult learning.” The peer discussions, participants said, brought forth “issues of significance that were hidden.” We were urged to “continue to promote this new paradigm of mentorship” and use the low-tech, high touch methods that characterized the program.

With programs conducted in India, Ethiopia, and Jamaica, we’re delighted by the power of this methodology to transform people’s ability to think more expansively, engage respectfully, and seek collaborative outcomes.

Creative Leadership Conversations in Ethiopia

I recently conducted a coach training session in Ethiopia for the Leadership Beyond Boundaries effort. It was an experience I enjoyed very much. Here's a post filed on the Lead Beyond blog:

The methodology used the Creative Leadership Conversations Toolkit to help participants learn essential coaching skills, key leadership principles, and half-a-dozen simple but powerful assessment tools. The two-day program included multiple opportunities for the participants to apply the skills learned in a cascading series of coaching sessions conducted in learning teams.

The participants found the tightly woven experience powerful and forged strong bonds with their learning partners. Some of what they shared at the conclusion reflected both personal and professional learning:

“I am feeling I learned both professionally and personally that I have everything I need. It has been two powerful days for me. I had a big breakthrough in my group and make a commitment to hold and be held accountable by my group.”

 “I feel I am turning in a new direction. The experience was great and moving, powerful. I need to open my heart and let the change in. I never thought about me in the same light before and it became very clear to me. I feel I found my direction.”

“Good energy! I learned that human beings can apply the coach approach in so many ways.”

The last comment speaks to the intention of the Creative Leadership Conversations methodology that coaching techniques can be used to develop others and also to foster greater understanding and collaboration between individuals. The participants in the program expressed a intent to apply the learning to work with school teachers, to initiate coaching through their training organizations, and make changes in their personal lives.

I am looking forward to the next program we have planned for Jamaica.

Creative Leadership Conversations in India

This is a cross-post from the Center for Creative Leadership's Leadership Beyond Boundaries blog:

The Leadership Beyond Boundaries effort has launched a prototype of the Creative Leadership Conversations toolkit. This is a resource to help individuals use “the Coach Approach” to engage in purposeful conversations that may be about developing leadership capacity (coaching and mentoring) or enacting leadership (collaboration, co-creation, and conflict resolution). The toolkit offers knowledge, practices, and tools that can be used to transform how we engage. The process begins with relationship building and developing an understanding and appreciation of the perspectives and needs of others through deep listening, inquiry, and feedback. It then flows into engagement to envision and enact a course of action that is energizing and empowering to all involved. The toolkit is the product of a collaboration by a team of CCL coaches, Tzipi Radonsky and Philomena Rego, and Pat Williams of Coaching the Global Village. Philomena recently tested the toolkit with a group of nuns in India. She filed this report.

“I had the opportunity to run the first test of the toolkit on two different groups of nuns in India. These religious workers surrender personal lives to be of service to others. They are tasked with great demands and limited resources. I recognized that leadership development could help them reconnect with their purpose and gain skills to be more effective in their work. While I had interacted with this population before I had never done any leadership development and was not sure how it would be received.

The first group I worked with was a team of nuns running a HIV/AIDs treatment center in Goa, India. This group of nuns had spent over 25 years in religious life. I started by setting an intention for us to have an open mind as we stepped into unfamiliar territory. Initially they found the coaching methods difficult and challenging. Yet I was encouraged to observe that they were open to be vulnerable as they struggled with new concepts. As the program unfolded, there was deep sharing of personal identity and struggles and the openness to receiving insights and feedback from others. At the conclusion of the program, the group made a commitment to develop an approach of engaging others in a different way — to suspend judgment and be curious about alternative perspectives. A week or so later, I heard from the person in-charge that she has noticed a difference in how the nuns had been using this new practices in changing how they were interacting with each other, the other staff, patients and children. Some of the participants who were least expected to change had changed the most. As the toolkit methods are designed to be shared with others, one of the nuns planned to do a short program for others who hadn’t been able to attend.

The second session I did was over a day in Bangalore, India with a group who were involved in education and development for marginalized women and youth. These nuns had been in religious life between 5 – 11 years. The material transferred really well and they got a chance to practice the skills with each other. Even though the participants felt that it was not enough time, they felt comfortable to take the practices to the groups they work with. Their superior said that the participants had gained a different perspective on how they could work and this would help them become more effective leaders in the community. I am encouraged by the power this tool to shift the nature of engagement and enhance the lives of people so dedicated to improving the lives of others.”

Next, we take the Creative Leadership Conversations toolkit to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, where we will be running a Coaching Essentials workshop for a group of professionals who intend to bring coaching to the social sector.

Celebrations/Graduation

Last month my five-year old had her graduation ceremony. It was both a happy occasion and a realization that she is growing so fast. As we approached graduation, there was so much excitement and a wonderful energy in the house. The countdown to the event took place everyday nearly a month in advance. My daughter was prepared for what she called the Big Day well in advance. It was amazing to see her bubbling with joy and excitement and she wanted everyone to be a part of her celebration.

While I was witnessing all this one thought that popped into my mind frequently was: what happens to us adults regarding the events in our lives. In my own life I realize that so little time is spent in celebrating all the achievements big or small. I noticed the same pattern with my clients, friends and family. We hardly spend time in celebrating or relishing what has occurred. We quickly move on to the next thing. What do we miss by not celebrating? Celebration energizes everyone, and helps mark our growth. It gives us positive emotion, creates high frequency vibrations and brings us together with others to honor our achievements.

How about remembering to celebrate the little things in our day-to-day life and allowing the child in us to come out more. You’ll see what a big difference it makes.