Anger

Recently I was reading this book “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh and the chapter on anger captured my interest. Here is what he wrote “When we are angry we are not usually inclined to return to ourselves, we blame the other person who is making us angry”. This is a powerful statement or thought.

I found myself challenged since I am in this place more often than I would like to admit. Almost by default I tend to focus on the other person as to what they did or did not do that triggered my irritation. This leads to me feeling more angry or resentful and I end up making up a story about this person and exercising judgment rather than curiosity or compassion. As a result what does it do to me? I get angrier. I become unable to be rational or see things from their perspective and unable to engage the other person. It totally blocks my creativity since my energy gets used up on these negative feelings.

Thich Nhat Hanh explains it beautifully wherein he says we must be like a fireman who pours water on the blaze first and not waste time looking for the one who set the house on fire. This can mean taking a pause before reacting when angry. It can also mean not letting ourselves into situations, like being overly tired or hungry, that can give us a short fuse. We can also create more peace by doing things that make us feel more relaxed, whether it is meditation or exercise. Also, focusing on what triggers anger will create the awareness and the ability to feel the emotion. This is so that we can manage our emotion rather than the emotions managing us. The other benefits of feeling our emotions is it keeps us grounded and are able to deal with it in a shorter time frame. We increase our ability to be mindful, to reflect what the emotion is telling us and develop a deeper understanding of ourselves.

I invite you to practice focusing on the emotion you are feeling rather than focusing on the person who is making you angry. Journal your learning to further develop this new mindset.

Leadership Development Program in Jamaica

Recently I facilitated two different programs in Jamaica. One was for Management Institute for National Development, where I facilitated a Leadership Essentials program. The second one was for Caribbean Health Leadership Institute using the Creative Leadership Conversation approach for mentoring skills training. I was quite struck by the passion and desire and the eagerness of each group to learn in the service of self and others. You can read both these reports on the blog, http://www.leadbeyond.org/.

Leadership development provides an opportunity to turn the mirror inward and create greater awareness of values, beliefs/ limiting beliefs, strengths, challenges and our own mindset. It helps us expand and stretch. It was amazing to see how each of the participants were eager to embrace this learning so that they could live authentically and help others to do the same. They were all eager to put the new learning in practice on their job and with their teams.

Being present and connected

Recently I spent few days with my daughter and couple of my friends at a spiritual center, which also happens to be at a beach. It was a great time to reconnect with self and be in the NOW. One of the questions I have been working with is: How connected are we to our self when we are busy trying to get to the next thing? Where is this drive coming from? Is it from that deep place within, our purpose, or is it driven by the external? When I am connected I am able to notice the difference or else I get caught in the rat race and moving from one job to another. As a result the NOW just happens without our awareness.

There is a great link between the NOW and connection to oneself. When we are in this place of harmony with both we are able to experience the present moment and notice what is going on with our emotions, thoughts and our spirit. Focus on your breathing as often as possible during the day to be grounded in the NOW and be in the flow of connectedness. What a great way to enhance your EQ. When one is connected one can appreciate and enjoy life, in spite of things not going the way one wants, and learn from it. If this practice is developed one will not have to wait to get away to be in the NOW.