Anger

Recently I was reading this book “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh and the chapter on anger captured my interest. Here is what he wrote “When we are angry we are not usually inclined to return to ourselves, we blame the other person who is making us angry”. This is a powerful statement or thought.

I found myself challenged since I am in this place more often than I would like to admit. Almost by default I tend to focus on the other person as to what they did or did not do that triggered my irritation. This leads to me feeling more angry or resentful and I end up making up a story about this person and exercising judgment rather than curiosity or compassion. As a result what does it do to me? I get angrier. I become unable to be rational or see things from their perspective and unable to engage the other person. It totally blocks my creativity since my energy gets used up on these negative feelings.

Thich Nhat Hanh explains it beautifully wherein he says we must be like a fireman who pours water on the blaze first and not waste time looking for the one who set the house on fire. This can mean taking a pause before reacting when angry. It can also mean not letting ourselves into situations, like being overly tired or hungry, that can give us a short fuse. We can also create more peace by doing things that make us feel more relaxed, whether it is meditation or exercise. Also, focusing on what triggers anger will create the awareness and the ability to feel the emotion. This is so that we can manage our emotion rather than the emotions managing us. The other benefits of feeling our emotions is it keeps us grounded and are able to deal with it in a shorter time frame. We increase our ability to be mindful, to reflect what the emotion is telling us and develop a deeper understanding of ourselves.

I invite you to practice focusing on the emotion you are feeling rather than focusing on the person who is making you angry. Journal your learning to further develop this new mindset.